Hi everyone! So I have been trying to find a good way to write this post, I had originally drafted a post but then wanted to put my thoughts and feelings into a poem as a more direct way of expressing my feelings than a rambly blog post but although I am working on said poem, I also felt a longer blog post would still be quite appropriate. I actually wasn’t going to write this post because I didn’t want it to be like I was going on and on about the same thing all the time but when I thought about it I needed to share my thoughts and feelings. So, if you read my last post, you will know that I quit my job almost two weeks ago now and how hard that month of my job was for me. To give a bit of context, it was really rough, I was anxious almost all the time and it was just a really hard and weird month. However, this post isn’t necessarily about my job or my reasons for quitting, it is more about my mental health and how it had affected me in ways I didn’t even know.
Over the last few days, I have been seeing changes in myself. I have seen myself to be happier and enjoying the simple things more. I have been reading more than I was when I was working and just generally being happier. Although I knew I was anxious about going to work, I didn’t realise how much my anxiety had really engulfed me and changed me. I have realised the slight shift in my personality from that month now that I am out of that situation and I think I can’t believe how different I actually was and I didn’t even see it. I wasn’t enjoying things like reading, and I was a massive reader! Yet now I am more excited than ever to get into a new book and I am happy that I am excited about reading again and I realised how little I read whilst I was working because of the lack of energy I had for anything really. My anxiety was essentially draining the life out of me and I was always so tired because I wasn’t getting much sleep and then waking up feeling anxious and having to work long days at a job that was making me more miserable. It was almost like I was zombie in my own life throughout that month. I even have a new enthusiasm for blogging which again makes me excited because it is something I love and although I had lost that love a little before starting my job, my job and the way I was feeling made it so much harder to rediscover that love.
I still dream about it on the odd occasion, that I have made another mistake and someone is telling me what I did wrong. That’s how ingrained the experience is in me! It feels like a lifetime ago even though I was still working there two weeks ago! However, I am in such a better head space at the moment. In terms of my blog, I have so many posts ideas I am excited about and although I’m not one for doing blogmas, I want to write some Christmas themed posts in December. Hopefully there will be great things!
Thanks for reading!