Hi everyone! So I am currently writing this post at 11:58pm on a Monday night, obvs the perfect time to overthink my life and decide to write a ranty blog post about it. This is how I like to see my blog sometimes, just as a space where I can vent even if nobody reads it. I do like to vent on twitter but as we all know there are not enough characters so a full on rant about something can take up like five tweets and honestly I can’t be bothered to do a full on thread about my life woes. However, I apologise for what probably feels like the millionth life/blogging rant post.
The reason I am writing this is because I just watched brogan tates weekly vlog and realised how jealous I am to some extent of people who have this amazing following online and how they have so much time to work on their blog to build this following. I know I’ve said a million times that blogging isn’t about numbers but again we all know that it’s hard not to want to aspire to be like ‘bigger’ bloggers. I am currently a student who will be graduating this July which means I can’t spend all my time focusing on my blog, as much as I would like to because I love it so much. I will then have to get a job/ start a postgraduate course which again will take up all my time and leave no time for my blog. It’s quite annoying because my life can’t revolve around the things I want it to. I also get self conscious about my content because there are certain posts I would love to write but they might not be everyone’s cup of tea and as much as I want to write for me it is about writing for readers too. I’d also love to try YouTube but I don’t have the right equipment and I doubt anyone would watch it anyway. Plus my life isn’t that exciting. I am also quite jealous of bloggers that get to work with brands. I know it’s not all about working with brands and that it’s a lot of work but I honestly just want to be acknowledged in that sense too.
I was also scrolling through instagram and saw a picture from someone saying how they were starting back up their novel writing which also got me thinking. I know it sounds mad and I know I can’t go back and change it but if I could I think I would have done a different degree. Don’t get me wrong I’ve loved doing my degree and I’ve loved my uni as I couldn’t imagine having done my degree anywhere else but I kind of regret not doing something like creative writing or maybe law because I now really want to go into law but it’s so much harder than if I had done it at undergrad level. I love writing but again because of my degree it’s taken a back seat and again these things kind of upset me because it’s the things I love. I’m kind of scared about where my future will go once I graduate. I have literally no idea what I am going to do once I finish uni. There’s part of me that wants to do a postgrad but at the same time it’s more work and even less money than I have had over the past three years. The unfortunate thing as well is that if I want to become a chartered psychologist I have to get 12 months experience and then do another 3 years in education. I know people will say oh being an adult isn’t all it’s cracked up to be but honestly I want to be able to live with my boyfriend in our own flat, have a job and be independent but it’s just so difficult. I also kind of wish I had done something that could have lead to freelance or owning my own business. I almost did event management but changed my mind which I don’t regret as such but just wish I had maybe gone down a different path. It’s also hard to know who to talk to about these kind of things, I love my mum but she is so hard to talk to when it comes to these kind of things because she just doesn’t give much help.
I also wish I had more friends. I know this makes me sound 13 year old and honestly I’ve come to accept that I don’t need many friends to be happy and I have my boyfriend who is my best friend. At the same time though due to our uni schedules (mainly his) we don’t get to see each other through the week the same way we used to even though we only live down the road from each other. Yeah maybe that’s just the way we are because if we wanted to we could try and see each other a little more. My point is though when I don’t see him I don’t see anyone besides my family. It would just be nice to be able to send someone a message being like oh do you want to meet for a coffee or something. It also makes me sad when I see people on twitter being like oh I have all these great blogger friends and I’m like oh great I don’t have any which actually makes blogging really lonely. I know there are a tonne in Leeds and yet I know none of them. It’s kind of like you get ignored a little bit especially when you try and get more involved and your efforts are clearly ignored. I know I literally say all of this all the time but it’s all true. I would even just like to have people that I could message on a regular basis, even if I never saw them just to have some other human interaction.
If you have gotten this far in this post, thank you!! I promise that my content won’t all be ranty life posts. I just needed to get all of this out there and my blog seemed to be the perfect place. Also, sometimes reading something like this makes me think yeah that’s how I feel and can sometimes make you feel better that actually someone else knows how you feel. Anyways I think that’s all I’ve got to say so I hope I haven’t bored you too much!
Thanks for reading!